Communication and Mutual Problem Solving in the Family

     Another topic that was discussed in class during the semester was communication in marriage and the family. I think we've all heard countless time that communication is key in any relationship. But it s true! Communication can make a or break a relationship or family.
    There is more than just words involved in communication however. Its true to say that you are always communicating, even when silent. The numbers vary but, studies have shown that only about 14% of what you are communicating comes from the words you say. The other come from tone and non-verbal signals, the most coming from your non verbal actions. I think this means that we need to be more intentional communicators. Realize that as much as my generations loves to text...it may not be the best way to communicate our real feelings and thoughts. I have learn this the hard way!
    The most important factor I have learned about communication however is the need to complete the communication loop with feedback. When communicating there are messages "passed" back and forth between two people. These messages are encoded by the sender and then decoded by the listener. Once the listener decodes the message they should give "feedback" to see if they are right, if the decoded the message properly. Most of the time however, we just assume we are correct and make judgments and assumptions that may not be correct.
    Another factor that contributes to how we communicate is power. Power has a negative connotation for most people I think, especially when talking about families. But power simply means the ability to influence someone. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Spouses should be able to influence each other and the children and parents can influence each other. If they can influence each other then solving problems together will be much more effective!
   We were taught a great model for solving problems as a family! This format is modeled after the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The leadership of this church  meets regularly and has a set time and place for their meetings. They meet every week whether they have something "important" or urgent to talk about. They start their meetings with catching up with each other and speaking gratitude and love to one another. They pray together asking to have the spirit. Each meeting has an agenda and each member receives it in advance so they are able to gather their thoughts about what they are to discuss. In there discussions each member is asked to state their opinion. They will continue to talk over a subject until the have a consensus, not just a compromise. The most important thing about these meetings is that not one of them is trying to convince the others that they are right, that there idea is better. They meet in order to collectively find what the Lord wants them to do! Isn't that wonderful!
    If our families model our family counsels or family meetings after this there would be much more love and agreement within our homes! Learning to work together as a family to solve our problems is, I think, a great blessing. It prepares us to live together forever in the Eternities...because a family is forever!